The Case of the Missing Ancient Statuette
by Semby
Summary: When an ancient artifact of Giles' goes missing, Buffy and Xander are on the case. Their prime suspect? Willow. Set sometime season 3.


Title: The Case of the Missing Ancient Statuette  
Disclaimer: I don't have any authority here.  
Summary: When an ancient artifact of Giles' goes missing, Buffy and Xander are on the case. Their prime suspect? Willow. Set sometime season 3. Definitely a silly!fic.  
A/N: Written for the "Worst Case Scenarios" challenge in which everyone was given a scenario from a strategy calendar. Mine was "How to tail a thief."  
Thanks to: Garnigal for the beta!

"Aren't the British supposed to be really excited about neatness? Especially librarians, what with their love for organizing and alphabetizing," Buffy pondered aloud as she and Xander entered the library, looking almost fearfully at the massive collection of ancient artifacts that were spread around the room.

"You raise a good point," Xander replied. "This is worse than my room, and Giles' delivery came in three days ago. He's seriously slacking. Where is he anyway?"

"In his office researching that demon Buffy came across last night," Willow answered, already settled after having cleared a spot for herself at the table.

Xander quietly muttered, "I hope if he's busy with the book-learning he doesn't think that the best way to get this stuff sorted out is to make us-"

Giles voice carried out from the office, interrupting him. "Oh, the three of you are here? It would be terribly helpful of you to start on organizing all of my new artifacts out there. They're really starting to be a clutter. I've placed a list of organizational categories on the checkout counter, along with where in the library I'd like everything to go, and…"

Buffy had already tuned him out and was perfectly happy to distract the others from his instructions as well. "So, I heard there might be a pop quiz in sixth period today," she commented. "Think I could come up with some excuse to miss that class?"

"If by 'pop quiz' you mean 'scheduled exam', which there is, then no, I don't think you should miss it," Willow replied with a slight smirk. "Come on, Buffy, we were just going over the material yesterday. You can ace this; I know you can." As she was talking, she was moving over to the counter to look at Giles' list, ever the dutiful helper.

Buffy had followed her with her eyes and suddenly popped out with, "Hey! Where's that statue guy?" She looked around the room.

"What statue guy?" Willow asked.

Buffy continued, "One of the artifacts, there was a little wooden man, with a, uh, a thing… on his face-"

"Oh, yeah!" Xander cut in. "A jewel in place of his nose. I remember him because his eyes freaked me out. He was on the counter yesterday, wasn't he?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was," Buffy replied, still looking around, frowning. "Was he moved? I don't see him anywhere."

"I don't remember a statue guy," Willow said, moving back towards the table and chairs, the list forgotten.

Buffy briefly walked over and popped her head into Giles' office to ask him if he'd done anything with the little wooden statue. She returned and informed the others, "No, he said he hasn't done anything with it, and he's sure it's around somewhere."

Willow nodded, grabbing her school bag and turning towards the door to leave. "I'm sure it is; we'll probably find it in the mess later."

"Are you heading out, Will?" Xander asked. "I thought you were all excited over the artifact-organizing-fun. You'll miss out."

"Oh! Right, the organizing," Willow said jumpily, glancing over to the forgotten list on the desk. "Well, actually, I just remembered that I have a, um, a thing. A thing to do before class. So I have to go do a thing. So I'll see you in class." She hesitated a moment more. "Okay, well, bye!"

As she walked past them on her way to the door, Xander noticed Buffy's eyes widen slightly while looking at Willow's school bag, and gave her a questioning glance. As soon as Willow was completely out of the room, Buffy moved over towards Xander and whispered, "I could have sworn I saw something wooden sticking out of Willow's bag!"

"Something wooden like the statue?" Xander asked. Buffy shrugged and nodded, looking like she really didn't know what to make of what she'd seen. "Why would Willow have the statue?"

Buffy shrugged again and sat down. "I don't know. Maybe – maybe she figured out it could be useful for a spell and she didn't want to tell us for some reason."

"But she'd tell Giles if she borrowed it, right? Willow would be all crazy guilty if she took something without Giles' permission," Xander reasoned.

"Well, she did seem a little guilty. Or, well, she didn't seem herself. With the nervous departure and the 'I have a thing' excuse. Have you ever heard anyone use the 'I have a thing' excuse who wasn't hiding something? I'm going to go after her and see if I can figure out what's up with her."

Xander got up from his seat. "And I'll ask Giles what he thinks. See you in class?"

"Okay, see you in ten minutes."

"Fifteen minutes," Xander corrected.

Buffy checked her watch. "Xander, class starts in ten minutes."

"So I'll see you in fifteen!"

"Hey, Wills!" Buffy caught up to Willow as she was shutting her locker.

"Hey, Buffy, you know, I told you I have to run-"

Buffy nodded. "Right, because you have a thing. What sort of thing exactly?"

Willow made a motion towards the direction she had to walk in, looking flustered. "I really don't have time-"

"Right, I'm sorry. I just was wondering if I could grab a pen from you. I just realized my only one is out of ink and I'm going to be so screwed for taking notes, and you know I need to make more of an effort-"

Willow nodded curtly and opened her bag in a rush, carelessly, so it hung open as she reached inside and grabbed a pen. There was nothing wooden inside. "Here you go. Got to run!"

Buffy peered curiously at Willow's locker as her form disappeared down the hall.

Xander and Buffy moved slowly down the lunch line side by side to fill each other in on their findings before joining Willow at their usual table.

"I think she put it in her locker before I got there," Buffy said.

Xander added, "And Giles was all 'oh, pish posh, what would Willow ever need with my statue? You kids with your loud music and your jumping to conclusions.' Completely not helpful. I told him we'd report back if we found anything anyway."

"So what now? I really wouldn't feel comfortable breaking into her locker," Buffy wondered with a frown.

"We could keep bringing up the statue and asking her questions until the guilt breaks her," Xander suggested, as they started walking towards their lunch table. "Or we could tail her."

He stopped talking as they reached hearing-distance of the table. They sat down and greeted the others. Aimless small talk and chewing ensued for several minutes, until Xander made an attempt at casually mentioning to Oz and Cordelia, "So, what do you guys think of that massive new collection of old thingamabobs Giles has in the library? He seems to be expecting us to sort it out."

Cordelia made a face. "Expecting you to sort it out, maybe, but there's no way I'm doing manual labor. I'm getting my nails done this afternoon."

Oz commented, "I'd help. I like things that are old."

Buffy glanced at Willow cautiously before replying, "Yeah, but it's weird. One of the artifacts has already gone missing. I think if we work on sorting it all out, we've got to make sure we take better care of them. I mean, I'm sure every single one of those items is, you know, _important_ to Giles."

She looked back to Willow who had started packing up her things. Willow caught Buffy's eye and said, "You know what? I just remembered - I have to go talk to a teacher." She then looked around at her friends nervously. "About, um, something - before class. So, I'll see you guys later, in the library?"

She left the room in a hurry and as soon as she was gone, Buffy exchanged a look with Xander and then announced to the table, "Actually, there's something I need to do before class as well. See you later."

Xander turned to the others as Buffy walked away. "Hey, have you noticed anything weird about Willow today?"

"Weird? Yes," Cordelia answered. Xander looked at her expectantly. "That outfit! That top and that skirt were just not meant to be worn on the same body."

Buffy froze as she saw Willow coming out of a classroom and turning to face her, as she had been hoping to be unseen when she found and followed her. She immediately turned her back and pretended to be reading the notices on the wall.

"Buffy?" Willow greeted, walking over to meet her. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, hey, Wills!" Buffy responded brightly. "I was just reading about-" she turned and pointed to the notice she'd been supposedly reading, "about, um… the open spot on the football team. I think I've decided not to try out for it."

"That's probably wise," Willow replied, giving her a strange look before starting to walk over to her locker.

Buffy followed her and suddenly asked, "So what were you doing in that classroom?"

"I told you I was going to talk to a teacher," Willow answered, turning the dial on her lock.

"About what?" Buffy asked casually and then as she caught a glimpse of something dark brown in Willow's locker, she excitedly shouted, "Aha! … Oh."

"Aha- what, Buffy?" Willow asked curiously as she pulled out her dark brown, almost wooden-looking… three-ring binder.

"Oh, nothing, I just thought that that binder, which was obviously in your bag earlier, was... " she feebly trailed off, not coming up with any explanation that wouldn't sound like she was accusing her best friend of being a thief and a liar.

"You thought it was the missing statue, didn't you?" Willow guessed correctly. "That's why you've been all weird and followy all day. You thought I took it. And this?" She held up the binder and shook her head. "Looks nothing like a statue. Maybe you should get your eyes checked. "

"You're right; I know. So what's with you being all weird and run-offy today? Every time I see you, you're leaving saying you have 'a thing'. No one ever falls for the 'thing' excuse. Can you blame me for thinking something was up? What's going on?" Buffy questioned, following an again-avoiding Willow down the hall.

"Nothing. It's just like I said: I was talking to a teacher," Willow answered, increasing her pace as she rounded a corner.

"So why the big secrecy? What were you talking to the teacher about?" Willow gave her a weary look. Buffy grabbed her arm and held her in place. "Come on, Will, talk to me."

"I was talking about plans to do an extra-credit assignment."

"Okay," Buffy replied. "So you were going all crazy with the academics again. That's nothing unusual. I still don't see why you couldn't just tell us-"

"I got a B, okay?" Willow finally burst out. "Me, the straight-A student. I got a big fat B, in bulging red ink. I didn't know how to tell you guys about it. I didn't want you to know that I'm becoming a mindless failure. I'm the brainy computer geek of the gang, remember? I don't get Bs!" Buffy simply stared at her. "You're not saying anything. You're shocked, aren't you? You can't stand the sight of me. I knew it."

"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed, exasperated. "How could you honestly think it would be a big deal if you got a B? You've seen the grades I get. And we love you for more than your brains."

They rounded the corner and found Xander gaping at them. "You got a B?" he asked Willow and, breathing somewhat roughly, leaned on the wall to absorb the fact. After a pause, he said, "I think I need to take a moment. I'm going to go lie down somewhere." He walked off dazedly, mumbling, "My whole view of the world has been shifted."

Willow gave Buffy a pointed glance. Buffy sighed. "Maybe it's a little shocking."

A couple of hours passed, Xander had had sufficient time to come to terms with Willow's news, and the trio found themselves back in the library, actually doing the work to organize Giles' new collection of artifacts.

"The thing I still don't get, though," Xander stated. "Is – if you didn't take the statue, Will, who did?"

"Who says anybody did?" Willow asked. "Maybe it just got knocked behind something and then mixed up with-"

"But it would be lying around here somewhere!" Buffy said. "I don't see it anywhere, and we've already cleared that whole side of the room. Someone had to have actively moved it."

Giles exited his office, briefcase and jacket in hand, and looked around the room. "Well done! You've got most of it done. I'm heading home now. Why don't you give yourselves a break and do the same? Buffy, you'll need to go out patrolling this evening anyway, so you should take a few hours off."

"Cool with me!" Buffy responded as they scooped up their things, preparing to follow Giles out the exit.

Giles turned around suddenly. "Oh, and if you could-" As he swung around casually and carelessly to express his one final thought, his briefcase hit against the wall, loosening the old latch and causing a few papers to fall out. "Oh, bloody hell."

He bent down to collect his papers and Buffy stepped forward to help. Giles shooed her away, "No, no. Thank you, but I can take care of this."

Buffy lifted one of his papers that had caught her eye before he could stop her. "How to improve your love life in six easy steps," she read aloud, coming to a standing position. "Step one: obtain an ancient, wooden, jewelled statuette." She quirked an eyebrow at her Watcher and began to giggle.

Giles stood up fully as well and approached her to take the paper. "Yes, very funny. I'll take that back now. If you don't mind-"

Buffy avoided his reaching hands for a moment more as she continued to read, "Step two is 'obtain a white, pointed hat.' Oh, please tell me step three is 'put on white pointed hat.' Oh, it is!" Giles finally retrieved the paper as Buffy exclaimed, "Step five is 'do the Dance of Borgon'! Oh, I _have_ to see the Dance of Borgon!"

Xander and Willow were snickering behind Buffy. Giles glanced at all three of them and explained shortly, "It's only research. Now, really, head home. I'm locking up."

They followed Giles a fair distance behind as they left the building, quietly giggling and plotting how to discreetly become spectators of the performance they rightly guessed would be happening at his apartment that evening.


End file.
